The Tango Mango Menace
by Hystonic
Summary: "Oh, Oranj. I don't really care. OMG, shocking relavation – I only care about you like in those other sappy, mainstream e-books on sale now! After you saved me from that dancing pickle for the second time, I am totally indebted to you, iirc, imo, LOL." A typical Chaos story.
1. Synopsis

**_Disclaimer: This is a FanFiction. Obviously. I, of course, own no part of the Percy Jackson series._**

**Caution: This may have things you don't like. If you don't like certain things on FanFiction, or have things you do not like, do not read this. Of course, this starts out the "Reverse Physiology Effect" and you will want to read this anyway. You have been warned.**

**But wait, haha, it's impossible to have someone read this if they take the text above seriously.**

Lord Synopsis' POV:

This story all starts out with Gaia being her picky self and wanting to commit genocide to the human race after that titan war that lasted from Percy Jackson's 12 through 17th year of life. Apparently, seven demigods stopped her with a bottle of sunscreen and three silver spoons, as a prophecy predicted. To avenge their mother's death, the giants rose (once again) and started mauling everyone in their way. This caused Camp Half-Blood (CHB) and Camp Jupiter (CJ) to team up for the first time since the Civil War to defeat this threat to humanity.

Hey, I'm sorry if I didn't get the canon right. Percy Jackson books are hard to come by in the place I live in. Do you even believe what price my friend Dutchess Passion offered for The Lightning Thief? It had so many zeros... More than 10 years of wages, I reckon. Oh? I'm rambling now. Oops.

After the war with the giants, Percy Jackson & Co. were all offered immortality like in any cliché chaos story. How else could they be rewarded for their heroism? Then, one fateful day, these people came and totally Mary-Sued Percy, Annabeth, and Jason and they soon became just as good friends to the rest of the people for their good-looking charm, overwhelming modesty, and also overwhelming modesty. Yes, I am being sarcastic. So everyone at CHB/CJ loved them etc. etc. I have no idea why the fellow campters are that OOC. That's just how the world works.

So, the gods eventually took notice of those three... imposters… (named Mary, Oranj, and Appel) and gave them immortality, too for their good-looking charm, way-too-big egos, and also great fighting skill on par with the jealous trio previously stated. This eventually got to the point where the three ran away and were never seen again, like the stinger ending of any horror story.

But, of course, nobody cared, because any chaos story is like that (with OOC characters, no less). One of them became the head of Uranus' army, the other the head of Chaos', and the other was never heard from. Wow, you may say, this is quite a twist! And it is… perhaps.

Time-skip, to, like, an amount of years later (haha, more like 40), where a new threat is arising. Guess what it is! OMG, it's the Egyptian and Norse gods! And an even more unknown big-bad commanding them all! It's up to CHB and CJ to defeat them, like any other story along the lines of these. Wow! Even more, Gaia is rising with her evil and humanity-hating sons and daughters through black majik! Darn, don't put too much stress on growing children! Like always, one of the characters will make an appearance, keep some sort of secret identity, and totally pwn Mary, Oranj, and Appel in some swordfight/Capture the Flag game. In addition to that, that character will have to choose between two very prized and cliché pairings and then eventually have to rally his/her forces against the Mud Lady, Eagle-Faic, and Violent Norse Godness. Tired of the synopsis yet? OK, lets fire up the plot!


	2. And So It Begins

Oranj's POV, because Oranj is cool like that:

Mary Sue's lips taste so good. Blueberry lip sheen. Yum. My heart thumps as our tongues maneuver in an oral dance. I love Mary for my love and my life. My hands grasp my girlfriend's strikingly blue hair as a pull her closer to me.

"Mary," I breathed, "I love you and also the unlucky tier of wedding cakes we bake."

Lips smiling, Mary replies back. "I love you, too, the son of a second rate god who can stop the tides just for me," then resumes munching on my lips as if they were the delicious briskets the Dryads barbeque. Our lips are delicious together, just like a meal of cow tongue. Oh! I forgot the explanation!

Hello, newbie, Ronoob, idiot, whatever. This is the year of 2050, so don't expect me to go on explaining the coolness of tech now. Hey – I'm the son of Poseidon (because I am Percy's evil twin! NOT!) and totally in a romance with Mary, if you didn't read the mouth munching scene before this. So me and her were, like, doing some 'lip action' under the tree with the legite golden fleece, enjoying the tastes of lip sheen and spit. Yeah, I hear that this old dude named Percery Jokson or something like that got that sheep's pelt. Whatever, I could totally beat him ten times over!

"Oranj, my love and my life, OMG LOL ROFLMAO #YOLO Houston, we've got a problem..." Mary trailed off.

I gazed at the direction Mary's technicured cerulean nail attached to her right index finger.

"Holy _crap_."

Down the hill, near the Big House, darker than black fissure, like a cut in space-time, ripped open. A bright light came from within the rip, blinding us all, as bright as the sun when we're forced to look at it without sunglasses or Medea's SPF 9000+ sunscreen. The light faded away.

"Oranj, BRB, gotta film n' tweet this," Mary grinned, taking out her hidden EvePhone and activating the Camera app.

When the light died down, this weird muscular guy with a bunch of 'ceps and a bird-head was in its place. I'll call him Eagle-Faic for your convenience. Anyway, he just waltzes toward the main cabin area and starts uttering algebraic equations while shooting rainbow lasers and singing songs from ThyTewb. All the campers got out of their makeup powdering sessions and used their celestial bronze ray-guns to zap Eagle-Faic down. Guess what? He's still there. Man, what does it take to beat this thing? A Deathstar explosion?

Just after that happens, Eagle-Faic leaves in a poof of that ninja gunpowder stuff you find at the joke shop. Wow.

Mary's POV, because Mari is so less epic than her:

OMG OMG I, like, so need to post this news on, like, Tweeters! Yah, I'm, like, a socialite here in CHB. Not like you would know. I'm a daughter of Athena and her fav! Anyways, I got a 4-min footage of this… JACKPOT! LOLOLOLBUSE!

Hey – let's talk about my background story! I was born in 1997, and totally had a normal life until a guy in a dancing pickle costume assaulted me! I lost an arm and a leg, and, bleeding, I sprinted in all the way to this super retro strawberry farm and got claimed as a daughter of Athena… There, I met my friends, Oranj and Appel and we all got the gods' attention by baking a 13-teir wedding cake. They gave us immortality and everyone loved us!

Back to the topic – me and Oranj were doing some action scene with our mouths when this weird eagle guy started shooting rainbows and jazz. Thanks to my bf, that guy left! Seeeee? Mah bf is s-o-o epikz!

Unknown's POV

Ahem! Just so you know, Mary Sue is a bit cooky to the head. I doubt she lost an arm and a leg while bleeding to death and sprinted to CHB after getting assaulted by a dancing pickle.

Narration:

And so, you get the first event of an on-coming war! OMG, you may be thinking, Where is Percabeth/Thalico/Orary? Well, first off, I am not a big fan of pairings, so therefore, why should I add them? It is not my uber-ly-large priority.

After Horus attacked CHB, CJ experienced Anubis whispering death curses in a dark pentagram. He was driven away before he could do any harm by the high frequencies of an electric guitar wielded by Appel, son of Jupiter.

Appel's POV, because Appel is a pun:

Hello, readers. I am quite aware of the fact that I am breaking the fourth wall by talking to you, but this is an emergency. I hear from my cousins in a magic university in Great Britain that the Norse and Egyptian Gods are becoming unsealed from their prisons by an unknown force. This is now proven by the appearance of Horus, spouting out mathematical equations and shooting beams of damaging refractive light. So I have a request to ask of you.

Please, if you notice anything out of the ordinary, throw three duck eggs over your left shoulder, eat a spoonful of silkworms, and then sing any physics-defying song out loud in a public place. This should at least hinder the unsealing of the Gods' cells. With all of your efforts, we may stop this apocalypse before it even starts. Thank you.

Narrator:

Meanwhile… back at the sky temple…

Kugelblitz's POV:

Thanks, dear Narrator. As you may know, I'm one of those three who got victimized by Mary, Oranj, and Appel inadvertently. Abandoned and broken, I was adopted by Uranus and trained to become his best general. Honestly, I was on my way to a nearby therapist before he gave me a new life. Geez, do any of the other "Cliché Chaos Stories" have them? Would've solved a lot of problems if you asked me.

You may think of me as either Annabeth, Jason, or Percy, but I'll keep that a mystery for you to solve.

So, this one day, Lord Uranus asked me if I knew about the Norse and Egyptian Gods. I was shocked to learn that they existed! From his exact words, they "Are becoming unsealed from their secure prisons and plan to commit global annihilation to rebuild the world in their own image."

And then:

"So, as a super cool and awesome, immortal half-god, you will be sent back to Camp Half-Blood for their own protection from their ignorance and arrogance…. Oh, yes, and also the unsealing gods, too."

So, naturally, I objected, until Lord Uranus told me this last tidbit:

"I hear that they are in need of a master fighter to go against Oranj and Appel like in every other story where this assassin of Chaos/Uranus pwns them in an obligitory free for all and CTF."


End file.
